I am a (Spiritually) Material Girl
I learned a new thing! It’s called Spiritual Materialism and we all do it. Learn about how it shows up and how you can challenge yourself to find your own working definition of AUTHENTICITY.
A Fun Anecdotal Moment on my introduction to ‘Authenticity’
In my early 30’s I met some very fun hippies in the West Village. Two of my favorites were named “Apollo” and “Truth.” They introduced me to drum circles, chakra meditation, spirit journeys and communal living in a deeper way than I had ever seen before. They spoke in terms like “divine feminine” and “paradigm shift” and “permaculture” which seemed just philosophical and unattainable enough to pique my interest.
I was in a perpetual state of identity crisis at the time, so I was historically very open to any and all approaches to living that offered an “answer”. This openness has proven to be a blessing over time, but for most of my early adulthood made me vulnerable to all kinds of influences. I always say I would have been great as a cult follower.
The affection for these new friends was possibly the same draw that landed me in rave culture as a teenager in the late 90’s; an offering of community and connection served up instantaneously (and often with the help of mind altering drugs). This time it had a side dish of veganism, but offered essentially the same quick fix to my loneliness and confusion about my purpose, identity, personality and life path. I didn’t realize it, but I had been seeking the Kool-aid “just add water” approach to my spiritual healing (otherwise known as spiritual bypassing) since I was about 16. As you can imagine, it wasn’t the answer, but it was at least a series of first steps.
I began to explore meditation and Buddhist philosophy as an often desperate means to quiet the anxiety and intermittent depression that I had experienced for a long time. And for the first time, I started hearing the word “authenticity” thrown around casually. It was part of the lingo of this group of friends. They spoke about the rebelliousness of farming and sharing and about making sweeping social change through alternative lifestyles and, well, festivals with music I truly did not like. I also remember a lot of hula hooping and a fellow named Echo who took a bunch of mushrooms and perched up in a tree with a conch shell for about 24 hours. Do you, boo.
They had circles where they poured out their feelings, did something called ecstatic dance, and looked deeply into each others’ eyes to practice holding others up while seeing all their flaws. While those activities didn’t feel “authentic” to me, I doubted whether I really knew what the word meant and if I really even knew myself in the way they purported to.
It’s worth noting that around the same time, I had my first exposure to the practice of Reiki, which was confusingly creepy. I was in a backyard pool and a guy insisted on essentially feeling me up while introducing me to this healing modality. I was old enough to know better, but lost enough to be swept up in a person with so much conviction about feeling “well” through a spiritual practice. I was also told by a guy I hooked up with that we wouldn’t need a condom because his “vibrations were high.” Boy, bye. The majority of the people I’m talking about were white or white passing cis males and females with social privilege and smart phones.
Being that one of their favorite words was “authentic,” it was all an interesting exercise in how we define “real” for ourselves and others.
Authentic Authenticity
I’ve done a lot of work to ascertain what exactly being authentic means to me. As a disclaimer, it’s an internal compass of sorts and always a deeply individualized knowing. As we become more familiar with our internal moral compass, creative leanings, and deepest desires, as well as learn to make decisions from a place of self-guided knowledge, we can start to feel our authentic self taking shape.
I truly believe that we are all charged with the adventure of coming home to ourselves. Before our layers and layers of conditioning built us into a hard and fast “personality”, we all had a child inside of us that looked at the world in their own unique way. Without the learned fear. Without the anticipation of judgement or criticism. Without the need to fit in.
It’s Trendy to be Real!
It’s certainly a positive that there’s a lot of talk these days about authenticity, especially in circles where people are doing healing and wellness related work. Brené Brown helped us grasp the power of beautifully articulated honesty when talking about our vulnerability and now we have a world where vulnerability and honesty are more popular. That’s both helpful and shadowy depending on how it’s used.
Even though I want to be a mean girl and mock the myriad Instagram posts that seem to capitalize on the vulnerability and authenticity trend, I have to remember the caveat that only the person writing the post or saying the thing knows the intention behind it.
To some degree anyone on a spiritual path is contending with the ego’s desire for accomplishment when seeking spiritual fulfillment. In my pursuits I am mostly guided by the wisdom of Tibetan Buddhism, which feels the most rooted in allowing whatever IS to just BE the right thing. It challenges us to question the ego’s motivations and recognize when it’s hijacking our autonomy over our lives. Some challenging questions for our egocentric tendencies might be:
What does it mean to be ‘real’?
How do we know if we, or anyone else is on a “real” path to self actualization?
Can one path be “better” or more evolved than another?
How can we apply our rigid thinking about success and standardization to a philosophy that doesn’t measure things in a linear and logical way?
How can we know when we are making progress on our spiritual path?
Side note: we could also just watch J. Lo’s 2001 music video I’m Real and call it a day. Much easier!
Are you a Spiritual Hoarder?
This is exactly where I get tripped up. Looking around seeing what people have achieved on their spiritual paths and thinking I need to acquire that “stuff” too. We’ve been acculturated to believe that we aren’t valid in our learnings unless we have a degree, a library of books, a certification, or an accolade of some kind. But, authentic spiritual growth requires none of that. Those things are just more “stuff” in the same way a TV, a car, a house are in the material world.
This is what Chogyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Buddhist teacher, called “Spiritual Materialism” and I think it’s so important to consider. Especially for those of us that get caught in the not-enoughness of imposter syndrome. Of course growth requires learning, openness, acquiring and integrating new information, etc…, but to hold any one thing, including oneself, so high up on a pedestal that it’s considered a marker of success is counter-productive and hugely limiting. The game is about ultimately trusting and knowing oneself. It’s about taking the multitude of circuitous paths of learning and acquiring knowledge in order to uncover the knowledge we inherently carry inside of us.
Choygam Trungpa says:
“It is important to see that the main point of any spiritual practice is to step out of the bureacracy of ego. This means stepping out of ego’s desire for a higher, more spiritual, more transcendental version of knowledge, religion, virtue, judgement, comfort or whatever it is that the particular ego is seeking. One must step out of spiritual materialism. If we do not step out of spiritual materialism, if we in fact practice it, then we may eventually find ourselves possessed of a huge collection of spiritual paths. We may feel these spiritual collections to be very precious. We have studied so much. We may have studied Western philosophy or Oriental philosophy, practiced yoga or perhaps have studied under dozens of great masters. We have achieved and we have learned. We believe that we have accumulated a hoard of knowledge. And yet, having gone through all of this, there is still something to give up. How could this happen? But unfortunately it is so. Our vast collections of knowledge and experience are just part of the ego’s display, part of the grandiose quality of ego. We display them to the world and, in so doing, reassure ourselves that we exist, safe and secure, as “spiritual” people.”
WOW! I know this is a long excerpt, but it’s so important. We are all prey to the ego’s desire to be rewarded and recognized. Instead of waxing poetic on all the ways I have been spiritually materialistic (many), I am just going to pose a few final questions to myself and to you:
When was a time you did something intellectual or spiritual for the sake of image, recognition, accomplishment or display? How do you know?
When was a time you felt fully authentic in a spiritual or intellectual practice? Was anyone looking? Did it matter?
What does it feel like in your body when you make decisions from a place of ego?
What does it feel like in your body when you make decisions without anything to prove?
Are you judgemental of yourself when you act out of ego? Why? If so, how can you be easier on yourself considering every other unenlightened human does the same thing?
PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT IF ANYTHING RESONATED WITH YOU!!! I would looooove to hear from you. Thank you sooo much for reading. xoxoxo Brooke
